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The Origin of Bob's Way Hot Picante Salsa I am a fan of hot and spicy foods, and started making my own salsa in 1997, mostly because I couldn't find store bought salsa with enough bite. After some trial and error, I hit upon a recipe with great flavor and a delayed and extended burn that is most gratifying. This turned out to be a big hit with the heat lovers at USWEST and later at Teligent, so I made more. The recipe for Bob's Way Hot Picante Salsa is available to heat lovers for the ridiculously low price of $5.00. This recipe makes 3.5 gallons of Salsa. You can purchase a quart for $10 each, plus $5 shipping per shipment if you prefer. Please send an e-mail to: bob@bobswayhot.com. I will reply with an e-mail invoice, using PayPal. Once payment is received, your order will be shipped.
Not a Salsa Joke - but still somehow appropriate.
Texas Chili Cook off and the Yankee Judge Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas
from the East coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an
outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off,
because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at
the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking
directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two
judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides
they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face. Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced. Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300lb. witch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Damn those rednecks! Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone! Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a fucking grenade in my mouth, pull the damn pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my burning mouth. My pants are full of lava-like skids to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Damn it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor to hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going make it. Poor Yankee. FRANK: -------------- (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
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